Jen's Distinctive Idea

My best friend....

This is my best friend.....Smoke. We are going to the Dr today. He has a bad looking spot on his leg. I am hoping for good news, because he is my support everyday, my buddy!! I love him.

War Dogs (MWD= Military War Dog)

Well I was awoken @ 5AM because my kids' school delayed, however I was glad the phone woke me up this time. It seems, for the 4th time, that someone hacked my DEactivated facebook acct. Now why would someone do this? AGHHH, so I spent a bit of time redoing all of that, so stressful.

But yesterday I discovered "War Dogs". OMG talk about the spectrum of emotions you WILL go through when you read all of the stories. From stories of glory and pure boldness, to touching stories of sacrifice, bravery, and the ultimate sacrifice, of sometimes both lives.

There is a story of one young man who encountered an IED, and as he lay dying, his dog climbed atop him, would not let anyone near him. He snapped at the Marines who came to help, even biting one. He must protect his man, his person, his friend. This Marine died, and 3 hours later so did this MWD, this animal who had no wounds, somehow he succomed to the injuries suffered by His Marine. How? What caused this? After the autopsy of the dog, the only thing anyone could come up with is:

that this MWD, this Marines Best Friend, Protector of his Handler, died from................a broken heart.    OMG, did I cry, and goodness I am crying again! Animals that SOME will throw out like trash, may possibly be able to die of a broken heart, that their love of us is THAT stong? UHH amazing!  And shame on you that do to them unspeakable things! BAD BAD person you are!

I highly encourage you to read about them, knowing that OUR country will send them over to trashcanistan, Iraq, BUT they do NOT pay to bring them home, OMG do I ask? Are you kidding me? We leave them there? Are we THAT brutal? I am not sure, there are conflicting stories. You see I have a real problem. I become very vocal for those I feel that do not have a voice, or may not be heard. Such as the elderly, the bullied, the disabled, and yes, animals.  I get very angry, I can not keep my nose out of it. God did not make me that way! =)

But PLEASE I encourage you to go read about the War Dogs, and their handlers, their stories. You WILL go through All of the emotions available to us humans! I promise you that. But it will open your eyes to many things, it is very refreshing!

Bullies, why do you exsist?

I know the bad effects that bullies can have, I suffered thru one most of my school life until I snapped. Violence is NEVER the answer, but why is it, that adults only respond to that?  When I attacked, No I didn't even get a detention, everyone seen it coming. Why in the heck did it get to that point? WOW, to look back, c'mon.

So I have two boys, and I preach to them to NEVER bully, or tolerate it. Well did I get what I asked for. I get a call one day at work. The principal says " Mom, Elijah and I have a problem. He beat a kid up." He was suspended for 3 days, out of school.  Well when he got home, he was grounded for life, he was extremely angry, and attempted to explain, but his anger was thru the roof, and he could not form intelligable speech. You see Elijah is Bipolar, and takes medication for ragefull anger. Yes, it gets bad, very bad. I did get the "I did what you told me" tho. So I was interested to find out what his take on the matter was. However, his anger shut him down.

Elijah, other than the anger he cannot control, is a perfect kid in some aspects. You see, Elijah will not lie. LOL, even if he won't get caught, he will not lie to you. I love that about him, sometimes. I mean there are times, that his honesty is harsh, but it is pure honesty.

Well that night my father, who was meaner than a possum in a trap, called me. The man that would ground me for 2 months for not eating my sausage (gag), called me to tell me that he talked to his brother, who's granddaughter is in Elijahs class. He told me that if I grounded Elijah that he would write me out of the will LOLOLOL! I said excuse me? Elijah IS my child. He said "shut up, I know what happened" So he preceeded to tell me about it. He said that "It appears Elijah beat up the school bully, and if you don't go talk to that principal, I'm gonna go in there and make him see it the right kinda way!" OMGosh, follow violence with violence. No, I don't think so. But I did call the principal and make an appointment to see him.

Elijah and I were able to talk, finally. He said that this kid was picking on everyone at breakfast, pushing all of these other kids, pushed a kid over the table, taking other kids' food. "So mom, I did what you told me to do, I told him to knock it off. Then He pushed me. So I pushed him back. he flew into the table. " Elijah is as strong as a man, even tho he is a kid. "He came at me, I did a football tackle, he tried to punch me, so I hit him right in the face. He puched me in the arm because he missed my face, and I punched him again and his lip started bleeding, and so was his nose." I don't think he will bully us anymore. He made my friends cry, and THAT is NOT going to happen anymore." WOW..........my child took it into hos own hands to try and stop a bully. Oh yea time to talk to a principal. So I asked him "Elijah , did anyone ever tell the adults about this kid?" He said " Yes mom, everyone knew, they even seen him doing it. They would say, 'knock it off' but not much more."

So I go to meet with the principal, as this kid got 1 day OSS and my kid got 3. And wouldn't you know, right outside the door is a 0 tolerance bully sign. Now that was laughable. So after some professional education of the principal, I knew that I was getting No where. What is wrong with the educators these days? You know my son has needs, has difficulties, and you tout that you can provide all these wonderful programs, and that there will be no bullying. And here it is, right infront of you, FOR ALL TO SEE. Trust me all of the parents heard about it, and were left with mouths agape. Do you not understand that this type of thing makes us worry.

You see, there was a shooting with two young folks dying at the hands of another young person, that was bullied........it is so shameful. It does NOT need to happen. This cruelity, the meaness, it needs to stop at home, first. We need to ALWAYS build our children up. No I did not punish my Elijah for doing this, after hearing the whole story, as I continued to hear more from other kids that were there, and Elijah WAS defending himself and others! But after this I kept dropping little hints of education to Elijah, that maybe this kid bullies because his life needs to change, and Elijah, you could help him with that, You could be his friend and teach him the right ways to handle things, to NOT bully, to be nice. AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW, 4 months later they were friends. Elijah says, I told him, "I aint puttin up with your mouth, or your meanness, if your my friend, thats stoppin!" and he did mom!!!!!  SO Proud of him, my Elijah!!!!

I just encourage any parent out there to put the fire in your kids, the fire for something better! to NOT tolerate things, to want better, to drive, always have that hunger, to never stop reaching, to never settle, to absolutely LOVE their lives. Then you will have done your job, you will have raised the strongest, stablest child, that will be able to do anything. And THAT is what I hope for my children. I hope I leave them with that. TO champion themselves, and others.

my weekend emersed in "LIFE"

My body is telling me it is not happy. I had so much fun with my boys. We went camping with the doggy, in 22 degree weather. So much fun. Stayed in the stinky "huntin camper". I don't have to clean it so it is all good. However, it doesn't hold heat. So sleeping in 44 degree temps is a bit interesting, as one must remain dressed, LOL. Roll on out into 18 degree mornings, WOW. GOOOOOD mornin! Spent Sunday bird hunting, with Tut. He had a blast, my eyelids were froze to my forehead for 2 hours. Worth every minute. Then Monday we went fishing. Every bait store we stoppoed at said they didn't have any bait and asked "what the heck are you tryin to get?" I said "Listen, my kids have the day off, we are tryin for anything." I shoulda known. We froze to death for 2 hours, Nothing. So we came home and I pretty much died the rest of the day, and the kids relaxed. They had fun.

What honked me off the most............I took the camera everytime, BUT never took one single photo. GEEZ, I am so mad at myself. I still can't believe it. But that is classic me, I have no memory. SO it looks like it didn't happen.

If any one has suggestions, please, let me know.........THANK YOU! =)

The fabric of me

This time I am going to blog about the whole story, the fabric of me. It is rather tagled and dirty, very tattered and tear stained but it is beautiful in its own way, because it is the only me that I  know. Oh, sure there are parts that I wish would not have happened but then who would I be? I like me, I may not like the situation I am currently in, but I am not stagnant, I am trying to change it. I never just wait, I am always moving, forward if I can.

The parts that began to mark the fabric began in 1996, well the parts I am willing to speak about anyhow. I discovered I was expecting our first child and believed I would be like any woman. I learned quick to NEVER do that. In about the third month I began bleeding. My dr. didn't think much about that, just said some women do this. At the 4th month I became very ill. I began to vomit, and thought I pee'd my pants. My old man took me to the ER. I spent the next week in the hospital with no memory of it. Well, I didn't know anythingwas wrong, I went to Arizona, on a plane, had a blast! Went for my AFP test, abnormal. Went to see a DR. that delt with abnormal reslts, Dr. Michael Cardwell. My whole family went. So I laid down on the bed, he put the US on my little belly, spun it around, looked at me and said " when do you want to have an abortion?" I was in shock. I said some pretty bad things to him, I mean c'mon he was NOT GOD! And how dare he think he was! And that is precisely what I told him plus more. He attempted to educate me that I had Oligohydraminous, and my baby would not survive, and there was a high probability that I may die as well. I had NONE of that! I left in a huff! I went to my Dr. there was nothing anyone could do, I was told, I had no fluid. Well hang me by my ankles from the rafters then, and I stopped working. 2 weeks later the pain was intense, the Dr told me to go home, pass it in the toilet and bring it back in, in a tupperware container. I swear I am in a bad dream. Nope I went to the Hospital, I spent 48 hours in the worst labor. In the morning the labor had stopped I felt like a million bucks, the Dr came in and did an US. My baby had died, he had strangled on the cord. They had to induce me. But I was in this weird place. I didn't want to push, because then it would be over.......but it already was. He was born and died May 23, 1996.

I wanted a baby so bad, so the Dr said go ahead, no problem. So I did. One month later I was heading for mommyville again. Things were going great. Then on my birthday the bleeding started again. Oh crap! Not again, please. Bed rest. And pleding with God. No it didn't work. My doughter was born on Dec. 19, 1996. She lived for 4 hours. When she died, I honestly flet a part of me die along with her. I swore off having children because I could NOT deal with anymore of this. I just spoiled everyone else's. ROTTEN!

One day back in 1999, I felt ucky. Sure enough, the dreaded news. Expecting. I wasn't sure why God would do this to me, but he must have thought I could handle it. So the next day we had a big family function and we told everyone, just incase it went either way. For support. And wouldn't you know it, my parents house burned to the ground right in front of my eyes! THAT was horrible!

But I need a Dr. A good one. So I chose one that was a high risk Dr. One that is honest. Yep Dr. Michael Cardwell, the one who ticked me off before! He put me on bedrest and Fragmin injections everyday. It seems I have a blood disorder that causes my body to reject the baby when their antibodies start to interact with my blood. My body sees them as invaders and attacks them. So imagine my thoughts when he explained that to me. I was enraged! But no amount of money or anything will change what has happened, you MUST move on. I can not have my Michael, or Madison back. So on 9-2-99 my Elijah was born. He had the cord wrapped tightly around his neck. There was a code blue called. He was actually a suction birth. I was only dialated to 6cm. Yea, it was extremely painful, but if he survived, it would be worth it. I resigned myself to the fact that he was dead. Then I thought I heard a cry, but I heard that after  Madison was born too, for months. Then another, long ones. There was a glow worm handed to Mike. A real live baby, MINE! Holy crap what do I do now? LOL Man, and he has never stopped since! He is a real fire cracker!

So we planned only him. He is Bi-polar, and challenging at times, but wonderful. The day after Christmas 2002, I got the best present, expecting again. Dr. Cardwell told me he didn't recommend anymore because of the damage caused by Elijah's birth. So I went to see him right away. Amazingly my body healed itself, the dr. couldn't believe it. It was meant to be! So NO BEDREST but fragmin injections still =P. Oh well thats ok. Life was good. I got good and fat. 8-13-2003 Along came Ethanial "TuT". Easiest birth. Felt great! That is until about 2 days later.

Something just wasn't right. my heart wasn't beating right, I had that crushing chest pressure, Yeah, like a blood clot. So I went to the ER. They gave me maloxx, told me I ate something bad, and to rest. I spoke up, asked why I was glowing yellow, had a pulse of 21, and could hardly breathe. They said it was because I just had a baby. Huh. So I went home. Yes I did have that feeling of impending doom. That night, early morning, I woke up, it was about 3 in the morning. I had a headache, a weird one. I told Mike I was going to the ER, a different one. So I went, alone. On the way, I suddenly felt like someone shot me in the head. Bad pain on the left side. I drove so fast, hoping that a state trooper would pull me over, help me. I got to the ER and could no longer see. I arrived screaming in pain. Inconsolable, the Dr. was very upset with me. Loaded me full of drugs and told me "get out of my ER your causing a scene". Excuse me I am having a stroke I told him. I was removed from the ER. I had no idea where my truck was, I was higher than a kite. I drove, I called my Dr. told him I had no idea where I was, and that I was having a stroke. They verbally guided me to their office. He told me I was having a gallbladder attack, sent me back to the hospital. I have no further memory. Mike tells me I was there for two days, having multiple things done, and being very belligerant, hanging from the trapieze screaming obsenities at everyone. That is not me.  He said I continued to yell I was having a stroke and no one is listening. So he said they did an epidural patch and said they were sending me home. He came home to get the kids around. Thats when he got the call that changed his life. He said the nurse told him "Mike your wife was right, she had a massive stroke, and you need to get here as soon as possible, we don't think she is going to survive." WOW! I lost all trust in Dr's. after that. I laid in the neuro ICU for I don't know how long. When I awoke I didn't even know what a human being was. No words, nothing. It was like being born again. I had a long road ahead, and it was rough, some days it still is. It seems that things are starting to catch up to me now, and that is why I am where I am at.

Why I am setting here today. But I do not know where this story will end, where it will go. I hope my fabric will have some brilliant colors added, I just need to find them. I feel like my  tapestry is only just begun, at least I pray to God that it has. I sure could take less of the dull, tears, staining of my fabric, but that is not of our chosing. God choses.

my Valentines Day card

• Here it is all lovely like. I only used Jillibean-soup papers. All of which are available in my store www.distinctiveidea.com, or just hit the website button at the top. Stuff is cheap i am tellin you! I did use the cricut cartridge "Lacey labels" to create the center large label, the kraft one with the white script writting.  I hand cut the piece of black cardstock backing. hope you like it!

Teresa Collins go read her blogs and tell her I sent you =)

For all of you scrapbookers that have not found her blog yet ( which I can not believe)  You really need to go read them. She is one of the most real people I have ever come acrossed in the blog world. And being that she is one of the "big" scrapbook folks, well that says alot about her. She has alot of starch in her britches, and I really like people like that!!!!!  Makes you want to be around her, thats important! So go find her and tell her I sent ya ;),  You should be able to find her from my site as I follow her

A piece of wadded up paper

That is precisely what this old gal feels like today. Up too late from the pain, however, I love my new bed, because I can actually sleep more than 3-4 hours without waking up due to pain. It is the Comfort Select air mattress. I LOVE IT! No more sinking into a lumpy old mattress that offers no "correct" support. I thought about a temperpeadic but that does not offer two different zones of support, which I needed. I prefer a very firm mattress as my back is so painful due to spasms in my right side, or so the Dr. tells me, I think my dog may have ruptured some disks when he knocked me flat on my can. I mean for pete's sake I nearly had compartmental syndrome from the severe bruising in my groin. I wasn't quite sure that I didn't have a fracture in my pelvis. But, I digress. This bed has been a blessing, allowing me to sleep a little longer each day, making me not such a grumpy butt. And, also helping with some of the pain. Before I used to wake up with the pain litterally taking my breath away, and moving as qucikly as I could for all of my meds. Now I can think a little as I do it. I am hoping that this is not just a fluke.

Today I think me and Tut are going to make V'day cards for his Nana's. I haven't been in the card making vibe for awhile, it's because they are too quick, don't take much to make. I like things that take me awhile to do, require focus. So we shall see if that gets done. Tut likes to promise me things and then not deliver. Makes me sad sometimes. Alrighty, enough talking, get on with it . Until tonight..........

Born with it?

So Today I guess my goal was to try and help people, I guess I will never loose that, my drive to help people. It must have been something I was born with, that inherint drive, instinctual. Sometimes I almost feel as if I am addicted to it. The feeling you get from doing it, and then the emptiness you feel from being unable to do it, wow that is horrible.

Anyways, Maybe life is starting to look up for me. I am trying to network. Since I have no friends that like what I do, I am searching out people that have the same likes as me. For me that is huge. I have never sought out anything before. I have always just accepted things the way they were and coped. Maybe I have just silently reached my breaking point and have had enough silence and suffering. I want and need more, and I am now searching it out. Boy do I hope I find it. I feel like this is something I HAVE to do. Yea, it may seem like something small and unimportant to some folks, but for me this is just about all that I have. I have no profession any longer, most of my friends have their busy lives, and I am left kinda, well, in the dust so to speak. So I have had to pick myself up, dust myself off, put some starch in my britches, and get on with gettin on, and bring my two kids with me.

           I can not stop thinking of ways to try and make money, along with this networking thing, I think it all ties together, or maybe, I hope it will. OH I don't know. Crap I didn't even know today was friday. Seems like the days are just running together now. So frustrating! But I guess that is what happens in the case of me. I am so very lucky tho, to be alive. I will never be mad about not remembering, it is just a side effect! LOL yep of one very bad run in with an anuerysm on the left side of my brain. Stupid Dr's wouldn't listen to me. Oh no, they get paid the big bucks, to be wrong! And here I set because of it. Stinkin Jerks! But on the bright side...I can pick my nose and wipe my boogers on my pants and no one cares now!!!! YAY!!!!  Always look for the silver lining!

ALright enough of the off colored, I am tired, I need sleep, humor. Thanks for the read!

        

To be Needed, what is that?

Good morning to whomever reads my ramblings. Lets see, today I shall try and finish my Simple-Stories Generations Mini album, and my Jillibean-soup Monster Stew Mini Album. I need to buckle down. When I get up there, No more flight of ideas, or I have to go pee, I am hungry, blah blah blah. Stay there and do it! I think it is because I am bored to death! I feel like I have nothing left to give. I know it sounds depressing, but I am a drive based person and I analyze everything I do. I want to be respected, I need to feel needed, just as everyone does, but how? THAT is the question I have to find the answer to. You know I think that is the sole "thing" in life, the "needed" thing.  Some pople need it more than others, or in different ways, dramatic ways, unhealthy ways. I think mine is, ultimatley, to feel like I am alive. When I was a therapist, mine came thru everyday in the fact that I was a healer. My patients got better, I made a dramtic difference in their lives, an impact that was visable, palpable. To see what they were, then to see what they are now. I MADE a difference. That was a need that was on dispaly for the whole world to see. But now it is gone and I have to find another way. Wow, I think that is like trying to climb a mountain with no legs.

          So here I set pondering many things. I know I need to ponder getting the vaccum as I punted a mud clod the size of a grapefruit across the kitchen floor. I would love to read about you. Tell me. I need to hear something, remember I am used to it. That was my job for 20 years, and I so miss it.